“Would you call that a relationship?’ I asked after a long conversation. He paused for a moment then said, “I thought so but am not sure. All along am the one who has been pushing it, keeping in touch and checking on her especially when she was working out of town.” How did you end up married? I asked. She got a transfer to my town so I suggested that she moves in. She then insisted that I have to visit her family and pay dowry. I went ahead and paid dowry and so she moved in.”
This was a conversation with a man who was at crossroads. They had so many fights with the wife during the work from home period. On one occasion he asked her to leave and without negotiating she picked their 3 months old baby and moved to another apartment. What I found curious though was that they were together for almost a decade. All along there was no indication of the lady wanting to get married. Then abruptly she asks to have dowry paid, moves in, gets a baby and moves out without a fight for the young marriage.
The most intriguing thing though is how blinded the man seems. He did not realize he was the one trying to put things together all along. He still thinks she cares because she keeps in touch. In his words, “She even offered to help me set up my new office. “Every time I hear women being told to be careful of men who tag them along without proposing I want to shout and add; “tell the men that as well!” Women can also lead and tag you along for their selfish gains. To cement this concept and as we celebrate the International Men’s day let me share my week’s documentary; “The Murder of Steven Davis”
“This case deals with money, intrigue and an unfaithful lover. This is the case of the murder of Steven Davis, a brilliant computer programmer living in The Philippines. Steven Davis was a 32year old American who lived in the Philippines, where he established a software company. His life was abruptly ended when, sitting in his apartment, three gunmen entered and shot him in cold blood.
He was a responsible, studious man, who worked hard to ensure that he could financially assist with his family’s bills. By the time he had turned 21, he had already excelled considerably in his job to the point that he accepted a position which paid triple the salary he was receiving in England. With this new job, Davis moved to Hong Kong. Not long after, he made the choice to move to The Philippines, where he branched out on his own and started his own software developing company. He was handsome, tall, blond and charismatic.
His wife Evelyn came from a poor family, and in order to help pay for the family’s finances, she had been forced to work as a sex worker starting at the age of 13. When she first met Steve, she was 15 years old, stuck in a difficult and dangerous life working for the club as a sex worker. She was very beautiful and looked a bit older than she was, so she convinced Steven that she was several years older. The two began dating, and after a few years of dating, Steven married Evelyn when she was 17. He believed however, that she was 21 at the time they got married, and Evelyn even went so far as to use her older sister’s ID to get married legally. Steven was 26. Once married, Steven paid the club owner 500 pounds to ‘buy her freedom from the club and he promised Evelyn that she would never have to go back to the life of a sex worker. Everlyn had long told her friends and family that she prayed that one day, a rich man would rescue her.
Steven began providing his wife with a regular allowance after the birth of their first child, so that she could have her own money and autonomy. She would then, in turn, send the money she received from him to her family, who desperately needed the income. Steven also liked to give her family gifts whenever they visited, hoping to win them over as well. On the outside, Evelyn and Steven seemed a perfectly happy couple, a shining example of the opposites attract theory. However, that would all come crashing down when, on a late night in the hot summer, Steven’s life would be taken from him.
During the last few months of Steven Davis’s life, Evelyn had begun acting strangely. She often left the house, withheld affection, and was always on her phone. Davis’s parents suspected she was seeing someone on the side. Sure enough, Evelyn had confided in her sister about seeing a security guard for some time. Prior to his death Davis realized his wife was up to something when he took his daughter to school one day. He learned she was not enrolled there. Evelyn had spent the money meant for their daughter’s education on her boyfriend and herself. Davis also told his mother about Evelyn pawning his wedding ring. Davis eventually demanded Evelyn to get a job or attend college, saying he would no longer give her money.
During trial one of the men who broke into the apartment when Steven was shot said that Evelyn told them about the apartment and gave them the keys. She was however not only planned the whole thing, but was also waiting in the car as the men rushed in to kill Steven Davis.”
This year’s International Men’s day theme is “Better relations between men and women”. To achieve this, we need to promote positive male role models, focus on men’s health and well-being, highlight men’s discrimination and create a safe space where they can grow to their full potential. This means that we need to encourage men to not only stand on their strengths but to also stand on their weaknesses. To identify areas that calls for attention, intentional change and growth. Beyond prosperity in money and other resources men need to nurture;
1. Relationships: Make the most out of whatever relationships you have. Develop your awareness of when you need to move away from people who are not right for you. These include women, your children, your family, your friends and people in general.
2. Health & Appearance: You have to concentrate on your health enough to feel good most of the time. You do not have to be a super athlete but you need improve your fitness to make your life better. Appearance is affected by your health and fitness but its also dependent on your clothing, grooming, your level of prosperity and your mindset.
3. Confidence and self-esteem: Confidence is attractive. Build confidence in your values, goals and worth as a person Not ego and arrogance. Be confident in who you are as a person before position and material wealth. Low self-esteem will lead to a passive or aggressive orientation; it will destroy you and the people around you.
4. Creativity: Creation may be the most important aspect of a man’s life. If you are not creating, you are either destroying or staying stagnant. What’s your next level?
5. Vulnerability: It is okay not to be okay. Face your fears, address your demons, say you are sorry, acknowledge your shortcomings and commit to becoming a better person.
6. Freedom: Freedom is something we all have but is something that others are continually trying to take from us. You must take your own freedom, defend it and work towards keeping what you have and develop more.
Your own personal development is the most important thing you will do in your life. You are not here for your religion, your government, your country, your wife or your children. You are here for you. You matter because you are here.
“The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones.”