“What’s the challenge with the high staff turnover?” I asked. “I had to make some radical changes,” the CEO remarked. We were having a discussion on the challenges experienced in implementing the current strategy plan which is almost coming to end. One of the things I noted was that about 60% of the team leaders were fairly new. Considering the role team leaders play on strategy implementation I was genuinely concerned.

In her words, she had some staff who had worked in the organization for many years. This being a non-profit organization, most of them were actually sponsored through their education by the organization and later offered jobs. In such a case the expectation would be that they would go out of their way to serve the organization with a sense of ownership and gratitude. This was however not the case. As she explained their behavior, I came to the realization that most of them had an entitlement mentality. In their words, the organization was their home, no one could ‘take them anywhere’ and they believed they could always get what they wanted. This meant that no one would question them or report them for any mistakes or misbehaviors.

Entitlement mentality can be displayed in any form of relationship; work, family or friendships. An entitled person expects the world to treat them as if they are better than others and treat others as though they are inferior. They behave as if they exist only to serve themselves. They believe they are owed something without having to do much or any work to achieve it. Expecting certain things is healthy but one should not automatically assume they are going to be given what they want. It is also important to note that everyone else deserves to have what you want and you should be willing to give others what you expect to be given.

Entitlement mentality is caused by one getting everything they wanted as a child or young adult; this makes one think they will always get their way automatically or with enough fuss and manipulation. It can also be caused by the opposite; a childhood disregarding important needs. This makes one feel they did not get what they wanted as children and hence they deserve to get it as adults. The extreme cause could be a narcissistic personality disorder.

Entitled people think rules do not apply to them but are quick to point out when others do not follow rules or inconvenience them. They do not feel they need to earn anything; they feel they deserve the best without earning it. They do not take No for an answer, they will try bullying, tantrums, threats or any other method to have what they want. They will throw pity parties and do not care who gets hurt for them to get what they want. They constantly seek attention or validation. They expect the others to see them as special and deserving. They will sabotage another person’s success to win. They will also belittle others if they do not get their way; they will tear you down verbally and make you feel guilty for not giving into their demands.

It is easy to deal with entitlement in children by teaching them skills like empathy, perseverance, gratitude and making them earn certain things by doing chores or saving their earnings for something they want. It is however a bit different in adults, who may have learnt to excel through entitlement tactics. There are however ways of dealing with entitled people.

1. Do not reward them – Do not give them what they ask for unless it is not an inconvenience to you. For example, you can run an errand for them if you were going the same direction already. Be willing to Say No and stick to it.

2. Give a hand up not hand out – Doing what the person demands does not teach them to do things on their own. If you have to help, give time limits and set expectations. Make sure they contribute in some way. Set boundaries.

3. Do not enter into a debate – arguing is a way entitled people try to bully others. Say No and leave it at that. Entitled people dread silence treatment but thrive in arguments.

4. Call them out with respect – Some people may genuinely not understand how they come across as entitled, it’s their way of life and it has always worked. Explain your needs and your expectation for reciprocity. If they make unfair requests calmly state that its unfair and that you have your own needs to consider.

5. Use wish-fulfillment statements – State calmly, “I wish I could help you however I am not in a position to….” If it’s something within their power, give suggestions on how they can figure it out or get it done by themselves.

Practicing above things will help you keep your sanity and make the interactions less stressful, however in extreme cases you may need to completely cut ties with an entitled person. This means an entitled person is likely to find themselves isolated. They are chronically disappointed making them angry, depressed and feeling they are being treated unfairly.

“A sense of entitlement is a cancerous thought process that is void of gratitude and can be deadly to any relationship; Gratitude begins where your sense of entitlement ends.”

Photo by Keira Burton: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-and-woman-arguing-6147245/