It’s been a while since I got to share a story. This can only mean one thing; It’s been a busy and overwhelming year. It has been pushed me to the limit in many ways, in my words it has tested every corner of my brain. They say self-improvement requires you to push yourself to places you have never been before. This however means you have to embrace change and change is not easy, it tests you physically and mentally. The push has however reminded me of the two words; hardiness and grit.
A few weeks back I dropped by my friend and colleagues’ office. It was one of those random mornings. I had just finished an early morning meeting in town and decided to drive a bit off town and see a few people that I partner with in the consultancy and training industry. The moment I walked into his office he smiled and asked, were you visiting us or are you running away from maandamano (public demonstrations)? I had actually not thought about the public demonstration until he mentioned.
We had two hours of chats and laughter amid industry and client discussions. As I was leaving he reiterated a comment he had started with. You should go towards where the demonstration is, it’s part of building resilience. It came out as a joke but he went ahead to explain how he’s also planning on taking up serious hiking as part of his resilience building journey. I know the feeling that comes with conquering a mountain; it is actually not about the mountain, it’s about conquering yourself and your personal limitations.
I obviously did not go to where the demonstrations were. I was not going to add car repairs or medical bills to my resilience kit. I however got his point. Resilience is not learnt in theory. Just like growth is incremental resilience grows with time and as a result of facing difficult situations. This means that you have to get yourself out of the safe cocoon and deal with tough situations for you to develop the toughness. The reason tough tasks feel easier this year is because I have dealt with tough situations before head on. It might have been harder then but the mental toughness built over time makes it manageable.
You are however never at a 100%. There is always room for growth. Despite some people thinking I have guts, I have a friend who thinks I need to harden. Maybe because I am yet to lift any weight in my exercise routine or because I still belief in having a day for doing nothing. Whatever the case I am impressed by the new tasks and challenges I have dealt with this year yet I am still on my resilience building journey.
While being told to harden or have guts sounds like physical toughness, mental toughness is a bigger asset in life. Mental toughness is not synonymous with resilience it looks at your ability to perform consistently under stress and pressure. It is hence closely related to hardiness and grit. The three are components of resilience. Hardiness is the ability to meet extreme challenges yet act in a calm and collected manner as you strive towards the goal while grit refers to focus and dedication to accomplish something. Resilience combines mental toughness, hardiness and grit giving you the ability to bounce back and stay on course despite setbacks or challenges.
Luckily resilience is skill that you can intentionally develop. Hence the 3Cs:
- Challenge – Do you view difficulties as a personal flaw, witch-hunt or as a challenge? Change is part of life. Good and bad things happen to good and bad people. Self-reflection is important for improvement but not for self-blame. If anytime something bad happens your wallow in self-pity or look for someone to blame you get yourself stuck. This slows your progress and ability to move forward. Viewing difficulties as a challenge helps you to keep an open mind, be willing to learn and look for opportunities for growth instead of just seeing obstacles.
- Commitment – What do you passionately care about? What would get you out of bed even if all your bills were paid? Sometimes we are so caught up in the daily routine that we never get a chance to really ask what we live for. If all your bills were taken care of, what other difference would you want to make in the world? Having a purpose, a cause or a relationship that you care about gives you a reason to keep pushing despite setbacks.
- Control – In every situation there are things you can control or influence and things that are beyond your control. You can refer to Steve Covey’s concept on the circle of influence and circle of control. Focusing on what you can’t control makes you feel miserable. How much control do you have over the economy, your boss’ character, your spouses’ interests? You may have some level of influence but not full control. You can however control your spending habits, your actions, your thoughts and your next move.
Put your effort and energy on what you can control and where you can create impact. This will boost your confidence and confidence triggers more action hence self empowerment.
“In our most difficult moments, we are given an opportunity to reset and determine who we are or want to be; an opportunity to shape our life.”
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-man-in-gray-shirt-playing-basketball-4719843/