Time management has never been one of my struggles. It is one the values that I got from my father. I have for the longest time failed to understand how people get late to prescheduled meetings or appointments. I would also require special grace to forgive someone for missing out a pre agreed meeting without prior reasonable notice. I however seem to have special grace for lateness associated with parenting. I will effortlessly let a lateness slide if it is associated to parenting. Parenting is a full time job, everything else comes second. It is a rare chance that comes with an equal measure of risk and opportunity to bring up another human being who you are wholly responsible for. The more deeply you think about it, the more complicated it looks, maybe the more reason why you should let it flow with a bit of ‘following your gut’.

It is however impossible to get it right without a certain level of effort and intentionality. Though parenting has been more associated to motherhood, am impressed by the increased intention by men to play their role in fatherhood. It might not come with the glamor of women, but it comes with clear intentions. We expect and mostly see a nurturing aspect in women of all age with or without children. It is also easy to see the protective and provision aspect in most men if we are keen enough.

Fatherhood dynamics have clearly shifted over time. We have fathers actively playing their role outside the normal marriage set up. We now have actively involved divorced or separated fathers who are co-parenting in a healthy way. We also have father figures with step children, adopted children or other children they are not legally responsible for. Regardless of the nature of the relationship the most important thing is the quality of the relationship. Fatherhood is not only a need to a family but a need in society. They model strengths and carry visions that inspire generations.

My inspiration this week comes from a number of people I met this week. They may not all fit in the contemporary parenting definition. They however carry the nurturing and protective stint in all ways. I had a number of meetings scheduled with some board members for governance discussions. In my meeting preparation I had categorized them based on how busy they are. This would make it easier for me to prioritize the conversations and handle important matters in the shortest time possible.

Top on my list of ‘very busy’ was a retired management consultant and a senior priest. It had taken me days to secure a 30 minutes’ appointment with each. The first meeting was with the retired management consultant. It was scheduled for midday in his office. I made a confirmation call at 8am, but his line was already busy. He called back at around 11am and requested to have the meeting at 1.30pm in a restaurant next to a car dealership. I made it to the restaurant at 1pm. I was taken aback by the choice of restaurant. It looked more like ‘my kind of place’ than ‘his kind of place’. I texted him my location just in case I got to the wrong restaurant. I also scanned through my discussion points to make sure they were in order. I needed to be sure that everything can be covered in 30 minutes.

He walked in a few minutes later. Interestingly he was not in the kind of rush I expected. He insisted we have lunch first. We had a long discussion about consultancy business, his work life, his retirement business venture and my work life. He took time to share his gathered life and work wisdom. He also engaged in the governance discussion with detailed precision. He actually gave me time to check and confirm that all my questions had been answered. Two and a half hours later he wished me well and drove off.

My next meeting with the senior priest was even more taxing. I had been alerted that the maximum time I can get is probably 15 minutes and a virtual meeting would be easier to get. I however needed to have a physical meeting with all the directors. After several unanswered messages, a colleague in his office mentioned it would be easier to get him in the mornings before meetings started. I decided to spend the night near his office and residence. I left him a message in the evening noting that am around and hoping to catch him briefly in the morning. I woke up to a message sent at 5am confirming an 8.30am meeting.

By 8am I was waiting right outside the chapel. I had rehearsed my top five items for discussion. I knew I had approximately 15 minutes. I had resolved to changing the meeting to an information only rather than a discussion meeting. When he walked out there were two other people waiting in queue. He shook our hands graciously like priests always do and asked us to follow him to his residence. He offered me a cup of tea as he served the two people who needed some documents signed. My turn came and to my surprise we started with pleasantries; how my trip was, what my day’s schedule looks like, how well I was handled and hosted by his office. He even apologized for his long days; having gotten back at almost midnight the previous day after a burial and series of meetings. I also noted that by the time he was meeting me he had already conducted 2 masses and facilitated a projects meeting. He however had all the time not just to listen to my update but to also share his views and commit to take up some matters for action. 45 minutes later he saw me off and wished me well in my next meetings.

The two men made me feel like I just had a conversation with my father or grandfather. In a busy and hurried world they gave me all the attention. They made the conversation very personable. They not only took interest in the formal discussion but took time to share personal views and life wisdom. I had hit two birds with the same stone. It is easier to see parenting from a woman angle, the nurturing and the emotional support and miss out on the man’s angle. With intentional fatherhood we are seeing men;

• Being kind, nurturing, and spending time to bond with children without distractions.
• Teaching and modeling healthy communication skills, as well as appropriate conflict resolution skills.
• Appreciating their children and being more aware of their feelings.
• Setting appropriate boundaries and disciplining appropriately.
• Taking good care of themselves both physically and mentally and modeling appropriate behavior when help is needed.

A healthy relationship with a father lead to higher levels of self-esteem and stable relationships in adulthood while unhealthy relationship with a father lead to psychological distress and struggle forming healthy relationships in adulthood.

Photo by Kaysha: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-father-and-his-teenage-son-posing-on-a-balcony-960829/