Several years back on an early morning I walked into my boss’s office. After the usual pleasantries I made myself comfortable on the seat which he offered. The young me never found it necessary to waste time taking a seat on matters that could be addressed in a few minutes while standing…. now you know why I appreciate growing up. I have learnt how to slow down and savor moments. In all honesty and wisdom, I said. “I need another role; I think am becoming mentally redundant.”…In short I meant, I am not feeling challenged and I am not growing mentally.
It must have taken him a lifetime of wisdom not to show any extreme emotions. I had only been in that role for two months! Some of my colleagues had done it for ten years and were still counting. He did not question my request. Looking back, he must have understood me more than I understood myself. In fact, he got me some more exciting roles. Who doesn’t like an agile young soul that can do so much for a normal pay? If you have read my book “Finding your rhythm” then you know the rush behind my career life. That speed came equally packaged with mental and physical exhaustion.
After a critical analysis, I now know what rates highly on my list of human needs; need for variety. I cannot count the number of times I have said, “I need to learn something new or I need a challenge.” Our human needs consciously or unconsciously dictate our behaviors. If you rate highly on the need for variety you are constantly looking for change, new stimuli and are not afraid of uncertainty. Just like with the other human needs, this can be met positively or negatively.
The neutral state for people who rate highly on the need for variety is stay unaware of why nothing seems interesting at least in the long term. This then makes them question why people are continuously impressed by mundane things. As I walked to my boss’s office I did not understand how my colleagues comfortably woke up to the same role for all those years. One way is to live constantly on the move, looking for something or someone that will give you a new stimulus. The downside of human needs is that they can make you violate your values in a bid to meet them. The high need for variety can lead to exhaustion and burn out.
A need for change or variety does not just apply to physical environment or people it may also apply to change of emotions or biochemistry. The change of biochemistry that comes with use of drugs could be a need for variety or change. The constant change of relationships ranging from friendships, work to romantic relationships could be a conscious or unconscious effort to meet the need for variety. The nagging behavior to go out, take a holiday or just causing conflict/drama in a relationship could be an unconscious way to trigger change and create variety in a relationship.
The positive way is to look for a way of creating variety in the simplest of things. It is listening to a conversation and picking a new perspective or new lesson. It is learning how to create healthy surprises in your life; visiting a new place, trying a new activity, meeting different people, taking a different route to work or home, rearranging the house, sitting position… It is looking for people and places that challenge you. It is engaging in deep conversations that make you question what you know and trigger you to think differently. It might also mean taking a break from a routine then getting back to it after several days. The break in monotony creates a feeling of newness when you revisit the activity. Refocusing on creating variety in your normal daily activities shifts to a healthy way of meeting the need for change. In the words of Hank Stram, My philosophy is Simplicity plus Variety.
We however all have the need for variety. We actually all have the six needs. We only differ in order of priority. If you rate highly on the need for Certainty you probably rate low on the need for Variety. This does not make one person better than the other. It only means that we respond to situations differently and we need to find a healthy and positive way of meeting our highly valued needs.
This explains why I did not quit in my September challenge…. remember my article on My off moment?; https://enlightenedyou.net/2020/10/01/my-off-moments/ . I did not quit despite the anxiety that came with the activity. This is because the activity was new to me. It was a new learning that gave me a new stimulus. When you are meeting your high priority need, you keep going. I did not commit to the person or place, I committed to the activity because it was fulfilling my highest value/need; the need for variety or change.
“The secret of happiness is variety, but the secret of variety like the secret of all spices is knowing when and where to use it” Daniel Gilbert