The other day I came across a story on social media about an 11-year-old boy who committed suicide because his parents accused him of stealing rice. In one of the comments someone noted “In all my growing up I only remember being beaten by my parents twice all the others were attempted murder.” Though this could be on a light note, it implies that he went through some thorough punishments as a young boy and pushed through.

What is the difference between the 11-year old boy and this now young man? What is the difference between two people who go through the same trauma, one goes through the emotions and thrives while the other one becomes derailed for life? What is the difference between the young man who was rejected, accepted his fate, went through the emotional pain and moved on versus the one who resulted to suicide, violence or murder? My answer is Resilience.

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means “bouncing back” from difficult experiences.

Resilience is ordinary not extraordinary. Being resilient does not mean that a person does not experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress. However resilient people do not wallow or dwell on failures; the y acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes and then move forward.

Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learnt and developed in anyone. We can develop resilience in children as they grow up which they strengthen and apply as they transition to adulthood. But we can also learn and develop resilience as adults.

Resilience is demonstrated by our ability to adapt and bounce back when things do no go as planned. It is an ongoing process that requires time and effort and engages people in taking a number of steps. In this month we explore the concept of resilience.