“Hey Rosemary, I was referred to you by a friend. Am however not sure what I need, a mentor, a counsellor or a coach but he thinks you can help.” She said. The first thing I noticed was her authoritative voice and great command of the English language. However, the more the conversation unfolded the more confused I got. “I have been out of work for a while but I feel like I need to get back.” She continued.

Me: ..and what’s the challenge?

Her: I have been to a few interviews but I don’t seem to get it.

Me: What do you mean by not getting it?

Her: I think am not well positioned. I am looking for a position in communication or public relations but am not sure what employers are looking for.

Me: What kind of help are you looking for?

Her: Am looking for someone who can tell me what is happening on the ground, what employers are looking for, the kind of positions to apply for and guide me on interview skills?

Me: That sounds like…

Her: Something else, (she interrupted) I don’t want someone to tell me what to do. Am tired of that.

Me: What do you mean by that?

Her: I have always been told what to do, That’s why am in this mess. I have never applied for a job before. My family has always gotten me a job; I had actually never attended an interview until this year despite being in my mid-thirties. Now they can’t help me and I don’t know where to start.

Me: Mental note….she needs to vent.

Me: How has the job search been so far?

Her: I don’t know. I have been to two interviews and I think I messed up that’s why I need help. I have a heap of jobs that I need to apply but I can’t seem to get the time…. My freezer is full I haven’t cooked in 2 weeks. My house is a mess I can’t get time to clean up. My hair is a mess that’s why I wanted a virtual appointment.

Me: How does your normal day look like?

Her: Busy! I do online writing. I wake up early and sleep late but I still have a lot of pending work that I have not submitted. Or maybe I need help with time management as well… I think I don’t have any life skills.

That last sentence summarized everything. It reminded me of a number of people who are referred to me because they can’t get a job. They however cannot draft a CV. If you ask them to make a draft and share, you will not hear from them again. Others will ask for an appointment and you will graciously give them one. They will however text days later with a flimsy reason like they forgot or were waiting for you to prompt them. These are the kind of people who would have needed an appointment with my father. Being on time was not negotiable and so were other life skills.

He would send me to the bank to pay my own school fees with simple instructions, “If you lose that money, I have enough manual work around here.” When I started internship his gratulatory message was very simple; “Remember I don’t employ people and my house doesn’t need your kind of qualifications so you need to figure out your next move before finishing internship.” That was enough motivation, half way through internship I was juggling between night shifts and a day job. If anything that was my second job. I got my first job at seventeen as an untrained teacher. His instructions even then were clear. 1) Carry enough clothes for one week, that way you will have to do washing every weekend. 2) I will pay tuition and accommodation for your university so shopping is on you; create a budget and save enough money for that. He was the kind of person that would give you constructive feedback even on your church performance when you read the readings or made a church school presentation. He once gave us an assignment to write a prayer and he reviewed it…Who does that..

It always felt like a punishment but looking back those were free life skills classes. Broadly speaking life skills are any skills that one needs to deal well and effectively with challenges of life. We have too many learned young people who believe there are no jobs. We also have enough employers who can’t seem to find suitable candidates. The disconnect lies in life skills. Have you sat in an interview panel and felt like giving the interviewee a piece of your mind? This has happened to me severally. The papers and the person do not seem to have anything in common. The person cannot relate their theory to a work environment neither can they coherently present their argument. Over-shielding the young ones does not do them any favor. It messes their chance of building the life skills. They sound excellent on phone until they sit in front of an interview panel. They have good papers but they cannot draft a CV to show case their skills. Lack of life skills eventually affects their self-esteem.

As someone put it, “we don’t need to take marketable courses, we need to develop marketable people.” A friend of mine told me we are not born with all the talents, all the physical advantage, the monies or brains but we have to succeed regardless.” This means we have to intentionally apply ourselves. Save yourself and your loved ones by learning or teaching them basic life skills:

1. Communication – This includes active listening, public speaking, presentation skills, verbal, nonverbal and written communication.
2. Resilience – Seeing failure as part of the process and using it to learn and grow.
3. Decision making – Creative thinking, focus, weighing options and having the confidence to make firm decisions without second guessing yourself.
4. Accepting constructive criticism – Being self-aware of strengths and weaknesses, thoughtfully receiving feedback, having desire to learn and grow. Being confident but humble and maintaining professionalism.
5. Time management – Self-discipline to meet goals and deadlines. Balancing both work and personal goals.
6. Technology – Using technology is an essential skill. Leveraging on social media for growth and online research tools for continuous learning.

If you missed out on these skills like my new contact, you might need to consider hiring a coach. On the same note, do not allow your children to learn them the hard way.

“Formal learning can teach you a great deal but many of the essential skills in life are the ones you have to develop on your own and of all the life skills available to us communication is perhaps the most empowering.”