“There are two memorable people in life” My father said. “Those who will catapult you to greater heights and those that can stagnate you or bring you down” He continued “You have to be careful who you deal with and how you deal with them.” I have a lot of lessons from my father but I still don’t have the courage to write or talk much about him. I still feel like I just lost my secret twin…but that’s a story for another day. The thought of the people you meet in life however crossed my mind this week. As usual I was watching the real crime documentaries…maybe I should consider pursuing forensic psychology…

The story of a young Rwandese lady caught my attention;

Linah Keza was a happy girl in her mid 20s. Her late father was a Pentecostal bishop and her mother a retired pastor. Linah went to Britain, encouraged by her brother who had settled there earlier. She enjoyed dancing. In her interactions she met a gracious photographer. The photographer took her photos and encouraged her to try modelling. She exceled at it despite her continued push to pursue higher education. She was involved in her local church, modelled occasionally and had plans to become a social worker.

She later met a nightclub promoter, David Gikawa at a dance event. It all looked right, David was from Uganda. They embarked in an ‘on and off relationship’. The relationship however quickly turned violent when she moved to London with him after falling pregnant. The relationship was always turbulent, with the police being called several times. Over four years, she was harassed, stalked, coercively controlled, intimidated and abused by a man who punched her, attempted to strangle her, suffocated her with a pillow, put a knife in her mouth and threatened to kill any man who came near her.

Linah tried to leave her partner, taking her baby and moving to another part of East London, but David would continue to visit her, insistent that they were still a couple. Any movement she made, David was there. Linah said, “It’s like am a prisoner in my own home, I cannot go anywhere, he is just there, not leaving”.’ Linah did not want to be with David but she just could not get rid of him. He said if he couldn’t have Linah, then nobody could.” David, a heavy drinker, had eight convictions and had been in prison. Linah finally ended the relationship. One month later, David entered Linah’s home and stabbed her to death in front of their two-year-old daughter.

This reminded me of the two memorable kind of people that we meet in life;

1. Those who make us;

These are the givers, the people who awaken our potential, help us remember our goals and make us grow. They arrive at the right time, drive us to do something we are afraid of and inspire us. They are the ones that help us remember who we are, what we really want and keep us focused on our goals. They make us stronger, guide us, push us to become more powerful and wise. They help us discover a strong side of us that we never knew about.

The photographer who took Linah’s photo and encouraged her to try modelling was this kind of a person.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Marcel Proust

       2. Those who break us;

They are the hurters, haters, manipulators and backstabbers. They are the people who do everything for themselves. They do not do anything out of the goodness of their hearts. They like to see other people suffer. They will do anything to get what they want. They are the abusers and bullies. If someone wrongs them they seek revenge rather than just move on. They mostly talk bad about other people. They can make our life stall or bring us down in all aspects of life. Getting rid of such people is not easy; they might do anything to make you feel and look like the bad person.

You require tough love to coexist with them but you might as well have to leave them because the eventual damage might be irreparable. Linah’s ex-lover was this person.

You will meet many types of people in your life; Raging oceans, towering mountains, thunderstorms, lightning. They will knock you down and leave you breathless. You will meet delicate flowers, quiet forests, sunrises and gardens. They will give you light and take you on adventures. They all have something different to teach you….

But in the end, choose a safe environment that works for you.