“What if we get to the end of life and realize that we were just an experimental group?” He said. “You mean like this is not the real world and there is a real world elsewhere?” I reiterated. Creepy conversation….I know.. The kind of conversation held by deep thinkers (or should I just call them over-thinkers). This conversation was however preceded by a conversation around the fact that we only have one life to live. This is a concept that I seem to ruminate over pretty often.
A day spent is done and over with. We will not get a second chance to come back and redo this. What we do with it is final (Allow me not to comment on the religious perspective of the after-life). You can however choose to interpret this statement in many ways. For some it is the real definition of YOLO: They experiment anything under the moon with a little or no care. For others it means chasing every dream under the moon whether it adds value to them or not. For others its living their passion and values.
For me its living life on my own terms; Its questioning what the society recommends and expects of me. It is choosing what works for me even if it does not work for anyone else. It is choosing me all the time. Its doing whatever it takes to bring the best version of me. As put by the Author Robin Sharma, It is knowing that when I was born they laughed while I cried but when I die I will laugh as they cry. It is knowing that I utilized all my gifts and talents. It is not leaving with any potential left inside me.
The power of living once however means living deliberately. It means being conscious of every choice and decision that we make. Unfortunately, we rarely live in the moment. Have you ever started watching a movie then thought of forwarding it to see how it ends? That thought crossed my mind last week. I however caught myself before acting on the thought. This is exactly what we do with life. For my friend to come up with the thought that we could be an experimental group he was thinking of the end. We rarely live in the present, we spend a lot of time resenting what went wrong in the past and worrying about the future.
We all know we cannot change the past. Resenting it takes away your peace and energy. The past is only meant for you to learn and take lessons to apply in future. Accept whatever that past is irrespective of the effect it has on your present. Earlier this week I sneaked into an online book club (this works well for introverts; following incognito from the comfort of your couch/bed at 5am). Coincidentally they were discussing my thought of the week; the book Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In one of his quotes he says, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally; not enemy. Accept – then act.” ..The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
Putting all your energy on the end/future also robs you your peace. It denies you a chance to enjoy and appreciate the journey. Life is made of small wins not a big party at the end of your dreams. Tomorrow is not even guaranteed. Worrying will also not change what was meant to happen. Worrying about something before it happens makes you go through the pain twice. You can only define the future by what you do now not by worrying about it. “Most humans are never fully present in the now because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important that this one, but then miss your whole life, which is never not now’ Eckhart Tolle
Your ultimate celebration is an accumulation of the daily acts, your Now moments. You then owe it to yourself to focus on the now. None of us grow up with this perspective though. We are bombarded by the idea of ‘building our future.’ We spend all our energy building and waiting for the big achievements so that we can celebrate. The chase however becomes an illusion because it never ends. It is even worse when you get to what you thought was the achievement and realize that it still did not make you happy or give you peace.
“Life is not as serious as the mind makes it to be” Eckhart Tolle. The old people demonstrates this very well. There is a reason why they have more grace and are not easily baffled by life events. They have seen it all. They know it shall pass. They know it’s not worth your peace. They know that your peace and happiness is all that will count at the end. They know how little you need to live a worthwhile life. They also know that you will not leave this world with anything and you will be forgotten as soon as you leave.
How often do you think about your great grandparents and others who have left us? Their houses became home for others or were demolished, their clothes were destroyed or became rugs, their cars became artifacts, were sold or destroyed. Our presence and possessions that we make so much noise about and shed so many tears for are short lived yet we barely find the time to take a glance at the world and really live.
Realize that the present moment is all you ever have. Make it the primary focus of your life. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. You however have to accept that you are not at peace with what you are, who you are or how you are living. Someone asked, ‘would you be happy if your children turned out exactly like you?’ If this question sends shivers down your spine, then accept that you are not at peace with who you are or where you are. If you accept your lack of peace, then you have made your first step into searching for peace. We however have a way of rationalizing situations to suit our actions, choices or situations. If you want to know the truth look at your emotion/feeling. If there is a conflict between your mind and emotion, the thought is the lie (you are trying to rationalize the situation), the emotion/feeling is the truth.
Some of us have also normalized being unhappy and out of peace that we do not know any other way. We have never experienced or witnessed continued peace or happiness. One of my coachee told me “I have never felt this way, I knew I was almost always sad but I did not know what it feels to be happy and at peace.” I felt happy and sad at the same time. She was bogged down by how to get to the big goals and conform to society standards. Was she laughing? Yes, was she taking her holidays/vacation? Yes, was she making enough money? Yes…but the sadness and lack of peace was still there. She has not dropped her dreams but she has learnt how to live in the now, drop society expectations and live on her own terms.
Unfortunately, sometimes we are too attached to who we have been that we won’t become who we want to be. “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar” Thich Nhat. Sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on. You cannot spend your whole life waiting to start living. “In today’s world we think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just being.” Eckhart Tolle
The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment, realize that the present is all you have and make it the primary focus of your life. Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.