Early this week I plugged in to an SME webinar. A seasoned entrepreneur was sharing her journey in business. What I found intriguing however was the first question that came in from the audience. “Share your failures in businesses and how you handled them.” Though she answered the question, I found it vague compared to the rosy journey shared. In my article ‘The beauty of wasted Effort’ I noted our misconception about failure.
Every time failure is mentioned people get jitters. None of us can say that we have never failed at something. We however find it hard to describe our failure in details. Though we may do it in isolation, we may not have the courage to share it in public. We say that failure is the greatest teacher but this may not be entirely true. Processing failure is what gives us the lessons.
Have you ever wondered how someone keeps making the same mistake over and over again? How do you keep making the same mistake in relationships, finances, work or generally in life? If failure was a teacher, you would have learnt. Failing or going through a tough season is not enough. You need to process the experience for you to pick the lessons. Life provides you with free coaching lessons but you have to be deliberate to pick them. In the words of Jenny Fleiss, Missteps and roadblocks are inevitable they are ultimately an opportunity to learn but you have to pivot and go after your goals with new perspective.”
In every tough situation, three types of people emerge. 1) Those who blame everyone else for the situation. 2) Those who describe themselves as failures 3) Those who take responsibility. In this case failure is only a teacher to the third person. The blamer gives power and control to everyone else apart from themselves. If something is not working it is the friend, the spouse, the employer or the economy that is bad. They never have anything to contribute in their failure or tough situations. Blame takes away your power to turn around the situation. As long as you can blame someone else then you are an observer in your own life. You will not proactively work to rescue the situation. In the words of Dave Ramsey, “It’s easy to blame others for your situation, its however more productive to search your own past and find what caused your faults.”
The second person believes they are not capable of handling a similar situation. They label themselves as failures. This happens when one only looks at the negatives that happen in the situation. Contrary to common belief, even in your worst failure there must be something that you did right. In the words of Scott Fitzgerald, never confuse a single defeat with total defeat and Never let failure get to your heart. In the relationship that did not work, the business that failed or the job you lost, there must be something good that you did, practiced or learnt. Do not just focus on what you did wrong appreciate what went right as well. Blamers and failures fall in love with their suffering. They consciously or unconsciously use it to seek pity and avoid responsibility.
The learners seek to take responsibility of the situation. They critically analyze the situation. What went wrong? What went right? What did I learn? In every dark situation take time to process the circumstances. Do not just process the negative aspects, process the situation in whole. What behaviors or actions were right? Keep them. What behaviors or actions were wrong? Stop them. What did you learn? Start doing it. Every time you go through a tough situation ask yourself, 1) What do I need to keep doing 2) What do I need to stop doing 3) What do I need to start doing.
You are not totally a failure. You are never wholly responsible for what went wrong but you have to be willing to take up your part of the blame. On the same note, other people are not wholly responsible for your failure. You cannot wholly blame other people for your misfortunes. You have a role to play in every area of your life. There are decisions and actions that you directly control or influence. Take up your part of the blame and learn from it.
Processing situations gives us a chance to learn and grow. Everything you have now your job, friends, children, status is a manifestation of your past actions, behaviors, knowledge or relations. What you will have next will be a manifestation of what and who you choose to keep, stop or start. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “The future depends on what we do in the present.” And there is nothing we can do to change the past but everything we do or not do changes the future.
Failure is not the teacher, Processing failure is where the learning comes from. Protect your future by the experience gained in the past.