If there is a lesson that personal branding in the era of social media has taught us it’s how to live a public life and maintain a secret life. Just like companies, professionals have learnt how to display items and products that are available for sale or that support a sale. What I did not realize is that this can also raise more questions and unquenched curiosity.

As I interact more with individual clients and potential partners in coaching and consultancy, I can now sense the questions in their mind. The questions that my Linked profile or resume could not answer. They then express them in different ways like “can I address you as Ms. or Mrs.?” That does not bother me much. “You can use either” is my common answer.

However, more experiences have made me realize how much we focus on ‘what’ more than ‘who’ as we interact with people. On two occasions I have had a client request me to close the session with a prayer. I ascribe to Christianity and whether the client is a protestant, Pentecostal, catholic or even non-Christian I can pray in line with the doctrine or follow and accommodate their faith. In the words of Aristotle the great, It’s the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

What caught my attention though is the reaction from the two clients after I said the prayer. One said “Wow, Impressive, I did not know you go to church.” The second one said “You are so balanced!”. Was this a test or just another of human unquenchable curiosity? My thoughts; they wanted to answer a question in their mind. Is she religious or spiritual? It is also common to have a potential business partners ask ‘so you are saved?’ These questions and comments have made me realize how the society has made us focus on what makes us instead of who we are.

Allow me to go back to the journey with my clients on restoring their self-esteem. Part of the task that I support them through is to do a personal SWOT analysis. As they think through their strengths I realized they focus on the positive aspects pointed out by people who believed in them. The teenagers come up with words like I am Disciplined, intelligent, flexible, responsible, open minded, grateful. Adults say am thorough, I get along with people, am creative, analytical and proactive.

This analysis has got me thinking. Despite some of them being in for career coaching none of them picked their school credentials or job titles? Despite some of them being staunch Christians who repeatedly talked about their ‘pastors’ teachings, none picked their religion or belief as a strength. Despite having families none of them picked their relationship status or parenting styles as a strength. Why then do we try so hard to know about people instead of knowing them. Why do we judge others or judge ourselves based on what they are instead of who they or we are? Part of the reason they are struggling with self-esteem and confidence is because they overlooked who they are at the expense of what they are.

In short the society has made us focus on the tangibles and forgot the intangibles. So when the tangibles are taken away from us, when competition is high, as it always will be we start thinking we are not good enough. When your job, relationship status, physical status changes negatively you crash, because that’s where your focus and worth has been pegged. When people want to crash your worth they belittle your job, your relationship or physical look. But if you take time like we are doing in your SWOT analysis you realize there is more that makes you than what the society has upheld. It gives you a chance to redefine human dignity and value irrespective of your status in society. It makes you appreciate that which cannot be taken away.

This takes us back to the basic definition of human dignity; it’s the inherent value and worth of an individual based on the mere fact of being human, independent of achievements, social economic status, religious affiliation or health status. This is the realization that makes one give the janitor the same level of respect that they give to the CEO. It is the realization that makes one get out of the trench with nothing, dust themselves and chase their dream. It is the one thing that we should never forget about ourselves; Our Value and Dignity by the mere fact that we are human beings. It is the beginning of resilience and self-esteem.

Achievements and relationships only add to the value and dignity that we have bestowed upon ourselves. Unfortunately;

Too many people undervalue who they are and overvalue what they are not.