Does your voice and body language betray you when you step up to speak? Chances are you do not have a speaking problem you have a self-confidence problem. From my training and coaching experience, most people who struggle with public speaking do not have a speaking problem, they have a confidence problem.

In their own words;

They do not think they are good enough; they think they will embarrass themselves or they keep wondering what other people think of them.

Self confidence is a mix of;

1. Self esteem – confidence in your self worth.
2. Self efficacy – confidence in your abilities.

Without being cocky, arrogant or overconfident.

Here are some tips on building your self confidence;

1. Admit the problem

• Take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, and recommit yourself to getting there.
• Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities and fail often; Forgive yourself for past failures.
• Accept that life is full of bumps in the road and have faith that things will be better tomorrow.

2. Find support

• Find someone safe you can talk frankly to –People you trust, who won’t judge you in future based on your current state of self confidence
• Surround yourself with nurturing friends. – Watch out for those who criticize others to compensate for their own confidence issues
•  Notice and stop yourself when/if you do it to others!
•  Be there to support others when they need it –Let them know that you think they are capable!
•  Read and listen to empowering content.

3. Establish reachable goals

• Make a list of things that will get you moving towards your goals.
• Identify the first small step needed to accomplish each item on the list and have a plan for making that first step.
• The more you achieve the more confident you become.

4. Recognize your successes

• Do not ever, ever put yourself down
• Try to avoid obsessing about your failures
• Make a list of your recent successes
• Think about your strengths and what you have achieved so far
• Give yourself permission to take pride in those achievements.

5. Exhibit Self confidence

• Speak slowly, clearly and loud enough –A person who thinks they aren’t worth listening to will often speak quickly and softly
• Stand tall and proud –Don’t slouch, don’t walk around with your head held low

Ø Shake hands with strength and energy

Ø Look at your conversation partner in the eye

• Accept greetings and compliments gracefully –When asked how you are doing, say with enthusiasm “Great”. Don’t roll your eyes or groan.

6. Be extra prepared

• Go the extra mile –Prepare a few slides for the next group meeting, Write, rewrite, rewrite that paper, Practice that talk again and again – in front of friends and not-so-friends.

      7. Take a risk a day

• However, be beware of perfectionism (or you will never finish).

• Challenge yourself everyday –Don’t be afraid to push yourself, a little bit of pressure is good for you.
•  Remember: If it comes too easy, it will not contribute to your self-confidence.
• Make it a habit.

8. Stick to your principles

• Know your principles, your golden rule, your non negotiables; integrity, honesty, work ethic
• Then actually live them
•  If you don’t have something you believe in, you don’t have anything.
•  If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.

• If you constantly break your values to accommodate others or some situations you eventually crush your self esteem and consequently your self confidence.

9.  Beware of the Imposter Syndrome

• Regardless of success achieved or proof of competence, you are sometimes convinced that you do not deserve it.
• Proof is dismissed as luck, timing, or a result of deceiving others into thinking you are more intelligent/competent than you are.
• Instead… Believe in Yourself. No one will believe in you until you believe in yourself

10. Take a break

• Take some time off to refresh, reflect, and enjoy
• Find time to exercise regularly
• Shut off all devices for a time
• Have a nice meal and/or cook with friends/loved ones
• Treat yourself to something nice
• Help someone else; showcase your skills

Confident Behaviors

• Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
• Willingness to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things
• Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them
• Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments
• Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m Pleased you recognize my efforts.”

Low self confidence Behaviors

• Governing your behavior based on what other people think
• Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and so avoid taking risks
• Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
• Extolling your own values as often as possible to as many people as possible.
• Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “It was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the eye. You are able to say to yourself ‘I loved through this horror; I can take the next thing that comes along.’ Eleanor Roosevelt